Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
being pregnant is like rehab
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
