I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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