I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
