too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
