did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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