I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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