..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
