How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
