You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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