Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My vagina just clenched in fear
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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