pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
