If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
