just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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