after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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