You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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