i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize