The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize