remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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