Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
