the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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