Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
