Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
