I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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