u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
