Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
