Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This house was built for laser tag.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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