her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
