I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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