im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
