hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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