i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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