Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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