just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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