My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
