At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
