Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
