I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
