Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
