Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
