Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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