guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
