weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
