It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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