tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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