A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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