I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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