I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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