So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
