I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
