I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
