My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
