Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
