I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
