I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
