Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
