who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
