I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize