you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
