Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
