Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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