I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
is that a dick in a sweater?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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