Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize