chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
