OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
