The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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