Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
