im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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