The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
