how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
