Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
