he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
