My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
