Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
