he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
