i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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