i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
