You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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