I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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