smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
