Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
