Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
