Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
