38 yer olds are good kisserssss
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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