Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
