tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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